Whoop, we’re going back to the office! Jolly japes! Gossip! Free mineral water and Digestives!

Commuting! Bad Wi-Fi! Insufficient USB ports! That insufferable tit on Accounts!

Sundar Pichai is woken by insistent miaowing: the cat needs to be let out. And of course in this new world order of social distancing, this interpersonal remoteness, this new normal, Sundar will have to do it himself.

Now that I’m up, he thinks as once again he is forced to hunt around the kitchen for the bent paperclip he uses with alarming frequency to…