Consulting the service manual is likely a job only for the inner sanctum initiates who will ritually suck their teeth and tell you it’s going to be the super special wotsit that needs replacement, which can only be done when there is a blood moon due and when the illuminati have gathered to consult the spirits.
Other than that, I usually use the trick of physically demonstrating to the device that everything else (power, network, sonic screwdriver) is working, at which point it has to give in and do whatever it was I told it to do. Unless it’s MS365 when it will only obey Bill Gates.
Surely the first recourse when referred to the manual is to search for said manual on the internet?
We do usually keep the manuals for our devices. If we're lucky, they might even be in the file labelled as such. But it's still usually easier and quicker to just download the thing long enough to read the troubleshooting section, especially since the filing cabinet is currently blocked off by piles of junk.
I was going to make a snarky comment about how then it's a question of whether the manual has anything useful in it, but honestly as far as I can recall across various appliances, when we've had to refer to the manual it's usually done a pretty good job of pointing us in the right direction.
In that case, error messages should stop messing about and instead of telling me there is an error, they should open the weblink where the solution is and show it to me. I mean, isn't this kind of thing what computers are for?
Jul 21, 2023·edited Jul 21, 2023Liked by Alistair Dabbs
Re: "As for the plumber, he tried to correct a slow drip by dismantling the toilet entirely"
This will be no consolation, but I had one with a slow drip from a mysterious location for years, but at least one that was easily caught by a small well-place bucket. The only sensible option - barring removing it and getting a whole new one - was to detach the cistern, but being close-coupled, and with a leak, the bolts had rusted solid, and I had to spend 4+ hours hacksawing them through. It wouldn't have been sane to pay a plumber to do that, it would have been cheaper to get them to smash the existing one up and then do a whole new install. I think on the whole I saved time/money, but then I charge less than a plumber.
Naturally I discovered that the giant cistern/pan washer, and thingy-plate I had bought was the wrong size; but of course you couldn't tell until dismantled. But I did make sure to use stainless steel bolts to avoid future rust problems, even though any future bathroom work will involve an actual new toilet, wasting my investment; but the stupidity of having to contort myself for hours just to get into position to hacksaw those bastard rusty steel bolts someone used to save a pittance has left its mark.
Somewhat to my surprise, it has actually not started leaking again...
Our own printer woes have been somewhat different. We have a Canon MFC which has given us good service for quite a few years. Slightly creakier than it used to be, but essentially problem free (although expensive in ink, as usual).
We started getting messages that the ink absorber was nearly full and would need to be replaced, a job which apparently requires significant disassembly of the printer to accomplish and should only be done at a proper service centre.
So we took it to the service centre and got that done - and since then it has thrown frequent errors while attempting to print. Not ones with a helpful error message either - it's usually "a problem has occurred, switch the printer off and on again". Which usually does the trick, but it's time consuming and annoying. Occasionally it makes some rather alarming sounds as well. So I guess we'll probably need to replace it before long. And next time we'll know "the ink absorber is nearly full" really means "you need to replace your printer."
Sounds like the mysterious "waste toner bin". I did ask someone at Lexmark years ago to stop wasting my toner or let me re-use it, but they didn't seem to understand what I was talking about.
At least with the Lexmark waste toner bin they are usually a user serviceable part, pull it out empty contents into a bin and put the now lighter receptacle back for more printing fun…
Mind you I have three printers one of which will depending on the number of copies print the document the opposite way round. Not really very useful when overprinting on logod paper.
Jul 21, 2023·edited Jul 21, 2023Liked by Alistair Dabbs
My wife, a dentist, has a panoramic XRAY that sometimes throws an error code that is one greater than the last code documented in the service manual, a manual which I found online in a dusty corner of some dental service company's web portal last touched in 1999.
That error code mocks me to this day ... although rebooting the pan does generate a satisfying thwonk from whatever cyclotron-esq circuitry resides within and usually solves the problem.
Whenever my cat walks in on me in those moments that technology is taunting me, she looks at you in a way that says “what is all this effing noise about? You interrupted my areshole licking sessions you stupid human.”
They then look at you and their eyes say “I know what the problem is, but not going to tell you”.
Many years ago I worked with the printer division of a well known hardware manufacturer.
In the draft of the user manual I put
'This is a sensitive electro-mechanical device, as such it should be wined and dined at least once a month and treated with the utmost respect at all times'.
For some reason this edit was removed from the final print of the manual
Hey, we treat ours to the finest of inks (don't know whether they count against the wining or the dining), usually more often than that. Doesn't seem to make it behave though.
You think printers are troublesome now, just wait until some bright spark decides to inject them with 'AI' (and that will happen). The mind boggles at the potential for havoc.
Having just updated my mac to the latest OS and relying on a 2011 OKI laser printer I have experienced every frustration so eloquently put Mr Dabbs; replacing Mme D's laptop with husband's, and using all the same expletives.
So you triggered the critical needs sensor and discovered that using Mme D’s laptop only revealed that they are all in the same Union.
You've no idea how appropriate that was to my day today. Many virtual beers heading south in your direction. J'y vais au bar ! Cheers.
Consulting the service manual is likely a job only for the inner sanctum initiates who will ritually suck their teeth and tell you it’s going to be the super special wotsit that needs replacement, which can only be done when there is a blood moon due and when the illuminati have gathered to consult the spirits.
Other than that, I usually use the trick of physically demonstrating to the device that everything else (power, network, sonic screwdriver) is working, at which point it has to give in and do whatever it was I told it to do. Unless it’s MS365 when it will only obey Bill Gates.
Great piece, so emphasis with your attitude. Cried laughing in many places.
Surely the first recourse when referred to the manual is to search for said manual on the internet?
We do usually keep the manuals for our devices. If we're lucky, they might even be in the file labelled as such. But it's still usually easier and quicker to just download the thing long enough to read the troubleshooting section, especially since the filing cabinet is currently blocked off by piles of junk.
I was going to make a snarky comment about how then it's a question of whether the manual has anything useful in it, but honestly as far as I can recall across various appliances, when we've had to refer to the manual it's usually done a pretty good job of pointing us in the right direction.
In that case, error messages should stop messing about and instead of telling me there is an error, they should open the weblink where the solution is and show it to me. I mean, isn't this kind of thing what computers are for?
My mate's BMW does that, the only problem being that because it's a BMW access to the website with the service manual is an optional extra
Re: "As for the plumber, he tried to correct a slow drip by dismantling the toilet entirely"
This will be no consolation, but I had one with a slow drip from a mysterious location for years, but at least one that was easily caught by a small well-place bucket. The only sensible option - barring removing it and getting a whole new one - was to detach the cistern, but being close-coupled, and with a leak, the bolts had rusted solid, and I had to spend 4+ hours hacksawing them through. It wouldn't have been sane to pay a plumber to do that, it would have been cheaper to get them to smash the existing one up and then do a whole new install. I think on the whole I saved time/money, but then I charge less than a plumber.
Naturally I discovered that the giant cistern/pan washer, and thingy-plate I had bought was the wrong size; but of course you couldn't tell until dismantled. But I did make sure to use stainless steel bolts to avoid future rust problems, even though any future bathroom work will involve an actual new toilet, wasting my investment; but the stupidity of having to contort myself for hours just to get into position to hacksaw those bastard rusty steel bolts someone used to save a pittance has left its mark.
Somewhat to my surprise, it has actually not started leaking again...
Yet.
Our own printer woes have been somewhat different. We have a Canon MFC which has given us good service for quite a few years. Slightly creakier than it used to be, but essentially problem free (although expensive in ink, as usual).
We started getting messages that the ink absorber was nearly full and would need to be replaced, a job which apparently requires significant disassembly of the printer to accomplish and should only be done at a proper service centre.
So we took it to the service centre and got that done - and since then it has thrown frequent errors while attempting to print. Not ones with a helpful error message either - it's usually "a problem has occurred, switch the printer off and on again". Which usually does the trick, but it's time consuming and annoying. Occasionally it makes some rather alarming sounds as well. So I guess we'll probably need to replace it before long. And next time we'll know "the ink absorber is nearly full" really means "you need to replace your printer."
Sounds like the mysterious "waste toner bin". I did ask someone at Lexmark years ago to stop wasting my toner or let me re-use it, but they didn't seem to understand what I was talking about.
At least with the Lexmark waste toner bin they are usually a user serviceable part, pull it out empty contents into a bin and put the now lighter receptacle back for more printing fun…
Mind you I have three printers one of which will depending on the number of copies print the document the opposite way round. Not really very useful when overprinting on logod paper.
I always thought your head soundtrack would be the opening theme from an anime series, or some-such, Mr Dabbs. Black Lagoon?
Red Fraction? On Tuesdays.
A couple of months ago our previously unstoppable Brother MFC L3750CDW
laser was inadvertantly allowed to install the "firmware update" it had been threatening for the last year.
Now it refuses to print over WIFI from any computer not in the same room, and often as not won't scan either.
More frustratingly each day at some random time it prints between two and ten pages with one line of gibberish on each page.
Three hours on chat with Brother supoort yielded nothing.
Sounds like a security update.
Now your printer cannot be hacked by war-drivers not in the same room and you cannot scan your local currency and try to counterfeit it ... progress!
I feel that you’ve been watching me - you must have been as this is my daily life with a bastard HP9010, even down to the abuse and actions.
I feel (and share) your pain, brother.
My wife, a dentist, has a panoramic XRAY that sometimes throws an error code that is one greater than the last code documented in the service manual, a manual which I found online in a dusty corner of some dental service company's web portal last touched in 1999.
That error code mocks me to this day ... although rebooting the pan does generate a satisfying thwonk from whatever cyclotron-esq circuitry resides within and usually solves the problem.
Whenever my cat walks in on me in those moments that technology is taunting me, she looks at you in a way that says “what is all this effing noise about? You interrupted my areshole licking sessions you stupid human.”
They then look at you and their eyes say “I know what the problem is, but not going to tell you”.
Something for the printer connoisseur:
Try Kyocera's
Error.Power off.
F24B
Rage Against The Machine never specified what type of machine they were furious with but I reckon it was probably a printer.
Printing in the name etc.
Many years ago I worked with the printer division of a well known hardware manufacturer.
In the draft of the user manual I put
'This is a sensitive electro-mechanical device, as such it should be wined and dined at least once a month and treated with the utmost respect at all times'.
For some reason this edit was removed from the final print of the manual
You are all suffering the consequences of this
Hey, we treat ours to the finest of inks (don't know whether they count against the wining or the dining), usually more often than that. Doesn't seem to make it behave though.
Just a random thought.
You think printers are troublesome now, just wait until some bright spark decides to inject them with 'AI' (and that will happen). The mind boggles at the potential for havoc.
Having just updated my mac to the latest OS and relying on a 2011 OKI laser printer I have experienced every frustration so eloquently put Mr Dabbs; replacing Mme D's laptop with husband's, and using all the same expletives.