Dec 25, 2023·edited Dec 25, 2023Liked by Alistair Dabbs
In the words of the great Joe Walsh, 'I have accountants pay for it all.'
Over the years I have found that my time and energy are much better spent doing what I do best rather than the tedious and somewhat laborious task of managing finances. I do the computer systems and the accountants do the money, a fair division of labour by anyone's standards.
And the beauty of this system, it just works, they do their job, for which they are handsomely recompensed, the bills are all paid on time and I don't have to give a flying fuck about how the operation actually takes place. Win-win
Every few years again the spanish central bank finds it rather suspicious that I suddenly receive payments from other EU countries in more or less the same amount, frequency and origins as has been happening steadily since a decade or two, and the time-honored method they use to clear things up is to simply withhold remittances until someone has the idea to ask them if it was them... So then I start this little dance first bothering my customers why their payments have not arrived yet, which they repeatedly insist were already sent out until everybody is annoyed, then my bank, who tell me there were no incoming funds, until I finally remember to instruct the bank to contact the central bank in Madrid to ask them what's going on. Only then does the central bank explain that it's the money laundering routine again and ask for a copy of all tax information for a couple of recent years and another stupid form which I have to sign in the banks office so they release the funds a couple of days later, and we all had much fun again for a couple of weeks.
A few years ago my car insurance auto-renewed with no warning that it would at 3am 2 days before the expiry. They posted out my new docs, but they never got to me and were returned, so they then sent another letter accusing me of not living where I said I did and if I didn't provide proof of address in time my insurance would be cancelled. A scan of the second letter that did arrive at the address they said I didn't live at was apparently not considered proof of address.
Company utterly refused to communicate via email, refused to accept that not telling me my insurance would auto-renew, refused to accept that sending me a letter to inform me that I didn't live at the address I said I did to the address they didn't accept that I lived at was unacceptable and when I called to complain they refused to let me speak to a manager as he couldn't tell me anything that the person on the phone hadn't already. My written complaint was also ignored. Needless to say not with them anymore.
Hm, a work colleague of mine had the same stressing situation with Revolut, just for his own private banking. According to him not to be recommended, he dropped them.
I phoned the bank to negotiate a largeish loan as I felt I offered good security and history. They insisted I visit the branch and I made the appointment for a Saturday morning. On the day the 'specialist' was late; "Held up on important business" (my arse). First thing he asked "Have you filled in the form?"
Er, no. I've come in to negotiate.
"We can't do anything until you've done the form." I duly filled in the trivia and he responded "We'll get back to you when we've looked at it."
Look here, mate. I've made an appointment specifically to sort this with the organ-grinder. If this is not you, can you get him/her. Now would be good.
"There's no-one here who can do that. You could make an appointment with our loans team in Leicester." (I don't live anywhere near Leicester).
I left the bank, strolled down the road to the Building Society. Fifteen minutes later, the loan is set up.
I subsequently received a letter from the bank saying because of my good history, I was eligible to get a loan from the bank on "Advantageous Terms".
My reply, barely printable, included a phrase accusing of them "Utter incompetence, hiding behind a facade of financial probity."
We’ll soon be with you, Mr D. No, not turning up at your home address. I mean dealing with banks that are so paranoid about ‘procedure’ and ‘legal ramifications’ they’d rather de-bank someone than allow them to proceed as they were for the last 5/10/20 years. At least you got your account issue resolved.
The Guardian (slightly higher up the newspaper ratings than The Daily Mail) reported ‘UK banks are closing more than 1000 accounts every day.’
Hell, they can’t even understand why we’re unable to see why shutting down bank branches isn’t what we want from our banks - sometimes using dodgy punters per hour of open business as their criteria, instead of financial turn over of ATM/automated coin counter/payment machines in the branch/activities only achievable by showing paperwork to a human being.
I doubt they’d be bothered about any inconvenience to anyone who actually has to work, pay taxes, and pay their suppliers on a month to month basis, or doesn’t have an account manager at the bank on speed-dial.
In the words of the great Joe Walsh, 'I have accountants pay for it all.'
Over the years I have found that my time and energy are much better spent doing what I do best rather than the tedious and somewhat laborious task of managing finances. I do the computer systems and the accountants do the money, a fair division of labour by anyone's standards.
And the beauty of this system, it just works, they do their job, for which they are handsomely recompensed, the bills are all paid on time and I don't have to give a flying fuck about how the operation actually takes place. Win-win
Merry Christmas to all
A Christmas Dabbsy article! Allah be praised!
Every few years again the spanish central bank finds it rather suspicious that I suddenly receive payments from other EU countries in more or less the same amount, frequency and origins as has been happening steadily since a decade or two, and the time-honored method they use to clear things up is to simply withhold remittances until someone has the idea to ask them if it was them... So then I start this little dance first bothering my customers why their payments have not arrived yet, which they repeatedly insist were already sent out until everybody is annoyed, then my bank, who tell me there were no incoming funds, until I finally remember to instruct the bank to contact the central bank in Madrid to ask them what's going on. Only then does the central bank explain that it's the money laundering routine again and ask for a copy of all tax information for a couple of recent years and another stupid form which I have to sign in the banks office so they release the funds a couple of days later, and we all had much fun again for a couple of weeks.
Joyeuses fêtes à tous
Sounds like a round of playing Douglas Adams' old text adventure of "Bureaucracy".
A few years ago my car insurance auto-renewed with no warning that it would at 3am 2 days before the expiry. They posted out my new docs, but they never got to me and were returned, so they then sent another letter accusing me of not living where I said I did and if I didn't provide proof of address in time my insurance would be cancelled. A scan of the second letter that did arrive at the address they said I didn't live at was apparently not considered proof of address.
Company utterly refused to communicate via email, refused to accept that not telling me my insurance would auto-renew, refused to accept that sending me a letter to inform me that I didn't live at the address I said I did to the address they didn't accept that I lived at was unacceptable and when I called to complain they refused to let me speak to a manager as he couldn't tell me anything that the person on the phone hadn't already. My written complaint was also ignored. Needless to say not with them anymore.
Hm, a work colleague of mine had the same stressing situation with Revolut, just for his own private banking. According to him not to be recommended, he dropped them.
Shit. I use Wise. In fact I used it whilst shopping at a local Casino supermarket yesterday for flour, washing-up liquid and toilet roll.
It seems the bouncers there were not the only ones working on Christmas day?
Boba Fett's, Mr Dabbs.
I phoned the bank to negotiate a largeish loan as I felt I offered good security and history. They insisted I visit the branch and I made the appointment for a Saturday morning. On the day the 'specialist' was late; "Held up on important business" (my arse). First thing he asked "Have you filled in the form?"
Er, no. I've come in to negotiate.
"We can't do anything until you've done the form." I duly filled in the trivia and he responded "We'll get back to you when we've looked at it."
Look here, mate. I've made an appointment specifically to sort this with the organ-grinder. If this is not you, can you get him/her. Now would be good.
"There's no-one here who can do that. You could make an appointment with our loans team in Leicester." (I don't live anywhere near Leicester).
I left the bank, strolled down the road to the Building Society. Fifteen minutes later, the loan is set up.
I subsequently received a letter from the bank saying because of my good history, I was eligible to get a loan from the bank on "Advantageous Terms".
My reply, barely printable, included a phrase accusing of them "Utter incompetence, hiding behind a facade of financial probity."
We’ll soon be with you, Mr D. No, not turning up at your home address. I mean dealing with banks that are so paranoid about ‘procedure’ and ‘legal ramifications’ they’d rather de-bank someone than allow them to proceed as they were for the last 5/10/20 years. At least you got your account issue resolved.
The Guardian (slightly higher up the newspaper ratings than The Daily Mail) reported ‘UK banks are closing more than 1000 accounts every day.’
Hell, they can’t even understand why we’re unable to see why shutting down bank branches isn’t what we want from our banks - sometimes using dodgy punters per hour of open business as their criteria, instead of financial turn over of ATM/automated coin counter/payment machines in the branch/activities only achievable by showing paperwork to a human being.
I doubt they’d be bothered about any inconvenience to anyone who actually has to work, pay taxes, and pay their suppliers on a month to month basis, or doesn’t have an account manager at the bank on speed-dial.