You think you’re running on empty? My toilet duck has just Snapchatted me for a refill

My fabric conditioner has a bottle-half-empty kind of attitude too

“A top-up here, if you don’t mind, old thing.”

Oh, not again. It’s like being a waiter at a rugby club night out and being asked to serve the beer in champagne flutes. I orienteer my way through the mountainous landscape of unpacked cardboard boxes towards the kitchen, using an app to locate the thirsty caller-in-distress.

‘Open wide” I sing, unnecessaril…